More on Chicken

Port Arthur, Texas; In response to recent trade inequities relating to the price per pound of imported Mexican chicken, what is alleged to be a coalition of Arkansas chicken farmers dressed as Native Americans, illegally boarded a Mexican shipping vessel carrying 10,000 lbs of poultry and proceeded to dump it into the port.

Port Arthur police department reports that at approximately 2.30 am on May 12, a security guard called police after witnessing what he reported as "Indians dumping chicken into the bay". The police responded but not before the accused could dump approximately 8,000 lbs of the poultry into the port.

"It was quite a scene" said Port Arthur police chief Brian Dunahoe. " We boarded the boat and there they were. All dressed up in Indian garb, drunker than 7 ...chicken farmers. Throwing the chicken into the water. A couple of them were stumbling and making Indian war cries. When we tried to apprehend the perps, a few of them started chopping at us with their plastic hatchets and one of my officers took a moccasin in the face." the Chief continued. "Only one of them went quietly, stating that he would, 'fight no more forever'"

The accused were then booked into Port Arthur police station for questioning and arraignment. The names of the persons in question have not been released but it is assumed that most of the 5 men were members of the Arkansas Poultry Farmers Coalition. The APFC was unavailable for comment and it is possible that all five of its charter members were a part of the event.

The 5 men were seen earlier in the night drinking at some of Port Arthur's night spots. They were Identified as wearing full head dresses and carrying plastic hatchets and rubber tipped plastic bows and arrows. They were last seen at the Shipwreck Tavern. Approximately 1 mile from the dock that the Mexican shipping vessel "La Bonita" was ported.

"It was a strange sight indeed" said Shipwreck Bartender Larry "lar" Lalonde. "They were hootin' and hollerin' and carryin on an the like." Larry continued, "They were a nuisance to say the least. They drank a lot and tried to barter for drinks with beads and old stinky carpet they insisted was fur pelts. Eventually they paid up". Larry then said that things turned sour. " It was closing time and I told them they had to drink up. they started whooping and shouting about fire water then they started circling me shooting plastic arrows." At this point Larry with the help of some other patrons convinced them to leave. "they stumbled out the door and that's the last I saw of them".

The 5 men then proceeded on to the vessel in question. Sources say that they were trying to mimic the Boston Tea Party presumably to make a statement that Mexican chicken is no longer welcome in the United States.

Potts

Chickens Don't Fly

Is stupidity and unbridled rage directly related?  Probably not.  I've known a particularly  intelligent man who snapped from fairly innocuous torment and proceeded in attempted vehicular homicide.  Maybe I just attribute stupidity to the feeling of entitlement victims have in exacting disproportionate and unmitigated justice on the perpetrators.  Of course this isn't a universal.  I'm only referring to petty annoyances and political bullshit and not rape or genocide.  Things that get folks up in arms for no tangible reason.  

 

Top 5 topics that illicit irrational anger

1) Differences in religious beliefs 

2) Gay Marriage 

3) Foreigners 

4) Bad driving 

5) Smoking 

Yeah, I just got done reading 'High Fidelity'.  For your perusal I submit this blatant satire of # 3 on my list.  This is part 1 of 2 composed by frequent contributor Ty.

ASC

edit:  Here is a link to a creative revenge scenario on a criminal discussed on the Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier podcast Smodcast

To me this is an example of a reasonable reaction.  What do you think?

      

Arkansas chicken farmers are up in arms over tens of thousands of pounds of Mexican chicken dumped into the U.S chicken market.

Some 40,000 lbs of Mexican chicken has been shipped to grocers in the south and southwest over the past month. Mexican chicken, which sells for 75 cents a pound, is over a dollar cheaper than the 1.90 a pound chicken Arkansas farmers garner for the same bird.

"Its killing us" says Arkansas chicken farmer Paul Hamilton "We used to worry about foxes in the hen house. But now we have bigger fish to fry. I mean we have more foxes than hens now. Its time to start selling fox meat. And that's no silver bullet my friend because foxes don't lay no golden eggs!" says Hamilton.

Mexicans are whistling a different tune however. Mexican chicken farmer Jesus Lyle Menendez says

" I can't help it. I have chickens, I sell the chickens, I feed my family mostly chicken and beans, rice, tortillas" he continued " I sell chicken for .75 cents a pound. That is a good price. I feed my family on that price. What do you want from me? I cannot increase my price. I sell no chickens then. Then what do I do with my chickens? Take amusing snapshots of them posed like human beings doing human being activities like observing their pocket watch or fishing by the lake? That idea just doesn't fly.. and neither do chickens".

President George Bush in a campaign stop in Little Rock had this to say when queried about the chicken crisis. 

"I believe the people of this great nation grow excellent chicken, The chicken that I have had here was good chicken. It's time that we stand up to these people who can threaten our way of life and pander poor quality poultry to the citizens of this god fearing nation" When asked if trade sanctions and elimination of foreign aid would be levied against Mexico if such practices continued the president had this to say.

 

"I can't speak for Mexico. Do I look Mexican to you? But I can say this. This country and its god fearing citizens will back down from no one. We will not be bullied around by any country promoting cutthroat business practices. America is too good for that".

A recent FDA inspection of most chicken facilities in Arkansas tells a different tale however. Of 127 chicken farms in Arkansas, only 3 passed the FDA's poultry standards and 15 were actually told to shut down until modifications to the facilities were made to create more sanitary conditions for the birds. A recent inspection of Mr. Hamilton's chicken ranch found 67 birds that were missing beaks and were fed through catheters collected from the nearby medical waste facility. when asked about this atrocity Mr. Hamilton had this reply.

" Well that's really neither here nor there. Its somewhere in the middle." he continued " I mean birds is kind a like plants right. Who cares what you feed them or how. My birds are like Baseball players. full of steroids and chewing tobacco. makes the meat spicy. I mean look at my kids, they were raised off my chickens and their eggs." Closer inspection of the Hamilton progeny reveals that two of the three are retarded and the third is a strapping young man of 7 replete with chest hair.

Potts