I Was An Asshole

Tyson is a man of many contradictions. He finds paper pushing as the most disgraceful of occupations.  However, he did work a number of years behind a desk surrounded on three sides by textile covered portable walls, cowed by overhead tubular lights.  He effectively collected a paycheck from the government by moving a scrap of papyrus deftly around the vinyl top of his workspace.  Every now and then when the forms and memos gave his pushing finger a break he would busy himself by composing songs about the things he abhorred most. Namely useless people getting paid for being burdens on others.  (He now has a more respectable job) 

ASC

(Sung to the tune of "Highwayman" by Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Waylon Jennings, and Johnny Cash)

I was an office clerk 
computers I did command 
databases at my hand 
I typed up memos to the management up high 
I turned off the fax and printer every night 
although I worked in that grey cube with little light 
I made it alright.

I was an auditor 
in your finances I pried 
pad and pencil by my side 
I wrote letters on behalf of the IRS 
leaving many people's bank accounts a mess 
and they would ask me how it was I rest at night 
but I was sleeping tight

I was a salesman 
many an auto I did sell 
many a white lie I did tell 
I sold a lemon to an elderly Miss Brown 
That left her stranded thirty miles out of town 
and when she asked me that her engine be replaced 
I laughed in her face

I'll fly a starship 
across the universe and hide 
And when I reach the other side 
I will start tabulating the stars in the night 
Then I will bill you for each increment of light 
perhaps you thought the entire universe was free 
I will charge a fee

Original song mp3 (Highwayman)